Posts Tagged ‘Swine flu’


In the Year 2020

August 10, 2009

These are just some general predictions and hopes of things that will have happened by the year 2020.

Channel 10 will change it’s name to “channel reality T.V………oh yeah and the Simpsons”

Swine flu will just be a fond memory. As now the biggest heath threat is Zombie flu.

The procrastinating masses will have given up on solving global warming. Instead embracing the tropical 40-degree average temperature and the new beaches in the mountains.

Madonna will turn 61, while her face will look 40, her legs will look 50 and her cosmetic surgeon will overtake Bill Gates as the richest man in the world.

Amy whinehouse will become clean and discover the lord and saviour Jesus Christ.

Larry King will still be broadcasting his talk show. After a THOUSAND YEARS of broadcasting

Sarah Palin will achieve the record for the fastest check out chick at her new job at Kmart.

We will discover there is life on other planets, however they are just the French.

Jamaica will reveal themselves as the new world super power, revealing that they had weapons of mass destruction all along, but they tell us “it’s all coooooool man…chill out”

Paris Hilton will be eaten by wolves.

Arnold Schwarzenegger will still be the governor of California. He will also have saved the state from three robot attacks from the future and helped a little boy get the robot toy he always wanted for Christmas.


The Woes of Global Warming

July 29, 2009

I know what your thinking, “Wow a blog about global warming, how edgy, what’s next, some Chuck Norris jokes?” No, that’s next week. That being so the global warming crisis is one of my main concerns, right up there with blankets for the homeless and coats for cats in the winter.

Environmental issues seem to have taken a back seat in recent times since people are dying from swine flu and can’t afford business class flights due to the economic crisis. So have no fear, I’m here to remind you that we are all going to drown because of rising sea levels.

I know what you’re thinking, what can little old me do to help? Well here is my plan to save the world.

If everyone buys a sham wow and dunks it in the ocean then by my calculations sea levels will drop by A LOT. According to the magnificent infomercial the sham wow holds 12 times its own weight in liquid, meaning marine life would be a thing of the past.

Al Gore, while you’re in your office making movies I’m out here in the real world getting shit done. You’re welcome, Mother Nature.