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It Could Be Worse

November 21, 2010

Last Wednesday as I scrubbed yet another stainless steel pot (I’m getting pretty professional at it, not trying to brag … but yeah) I was humming “Working Class Man” to myself. Considering that I now have a job I feel justified in basking in the blue-collar working class world (in summary I miss private school). So I was pretty much keeping it real, as I normally do, when from the other side of counter (the consuming side, as I call it), I heard a man, dressed in a tailored suit, briefcase in one hand and burning money in the other, utter into his iPhone 4.

“Yeah, I know it sounds bad, but things could be worse.”

What does this privileged man know of a world where things are “worse”? Unless he simply was a homeless man who robbed a rich guy and took his clothes, gizmos and persona then I don’t think he can say that phrase without knowing the emotional state, which should accompany it.

To clarify I will do an imagined side by side (I don’t actually know him so I can only guess what his life is like … pretty good I bet).
Here s a small list of my problems:

• I owe the government around $20,000 in HECS fees for university, and the commonwealth bank recently stole the last 50 I had in my bank account for “fees”. Was it really that hard to keep a hold of fifty dollars?

• My dog is an asshole. This may seem like a small complaint but when you are raised to believe that dog is man’s best friend it can kind of hurt when after three years of showering him with love and affection he still does not like me. Plus its not like he has any other options in the matter

• Even my imaginary girlfriends break up with me.

• I keep getting mad at YouTube video comment wars, thinking “No, that band does NOT suck”.

• The (Michael Bay explosion fest) Transformers movies have destroyed my childhood. I feel this has caused me some great emotional damage due to their sheer amount of awfulness, and I should be allowed to sue for around 20 billion plus merchandise rights. And they’re making a freaking third one.

Here is a list of what I imagine his problems are:

• That waitress didn’t give me soy milk in my latte.

• My pockets are too full of money.

• I own too many tropical islands.

The only way he could have finished that sentence that would justify him saying such as phrase would have been “it could be worse, at least your daughters not Sarah Palin”.

The End

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Imagine If…

November 4, 2010

Hey there reader, take a break from your awful awful life and come bask in the wonderfully stupendous realm of my imagination, in this soon to be classic new weekly (maybe) installment I call “Imagine If?!”. For what may seem like only a few minutes and is really only a few sentences, but I put all my love into the for you to enjoy or think to yourself “huh, that’s kinda funny” so please do either of those, or both. Plus another episode of the podcast should be dropping any day now on the Bermuda Triangle of media that is iTunes. So keep an eye out for that, it’s a goodun.

Imagine if you had super powers, but you lived in a third world country like Ethiopia and couldn’t really do anything with them…that would suck

Imagine if there was a meal between breakfast and morning tea, which involves coffee, that would be awesome

Imagine if your pet cat or dog had a pet of its very own, that would be weird.

Imagine if aliens were observing our culture, but all they were watching was FOX news and Jersey Shore, that would be embarrassing.

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A Halt to the Hilarity

October 20, 2010

Cast your mind back to…oh say… two weeks ago. The Chile miners were still in that hole getting the world record for longest time…in a hole, and the Left Wing Love Child podcast season two was proving to be an instant classic with an elite few group of handsome and pretty people. You may recall that I made a wild claim that we would be bringing you regular installments of said podcast for your listening pleasure, you may also be aware that there has been a noticeable absence of anything new since then. Am I a liar? Well sort of.

We have been recording new episodes via the magic of skype. They have been jam packed with hilarity and whimsy. So much so that we were nominated for a podcast award that we made up. Unfortunately much to our (and I’m sure your) dismay the audio files became corrupted, and so are as useful as a Darwin’s “The Origin of Species” at a Christian bake sale.

Obscure similes aside, We apologise and promise to have something new for you in the near (ish) future

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Smile! Or the Terrorists Win

October 14, 2010

Things these days may seem pretty bleak, A Current Affair insists that electricity prices have no where to go but up (that’s why I’m bottling all my electricity so I can sell it when its worth a fortune), The ANZ bank makes a big deal about hiring women (I think they still think its 1965) and Katy Perry is successful. With all this and more it seems easy to be bogged down in a constant sea of despair and a general outlook of anguish.

This is why I felt the need to share this video with you all. This put an instant smile on my face, it could possibly be the best thing to come out of YouTube ever (well not counting any videos of a cat playing a piano) I don’t think I have seen such enthusiastic dancing at a concert…well…ever, and they’re only in kindergarten. You could take an old timey ten minute exposure photograph at any Arcade Fire concert and it would turn out fine because no one moves a muscle while seeing that band, not even the band themselves.

I’m not sure if I had a point to make here, but simply I needed people to see this and appreciate the pure joy in it. That and I have a crap load of work to do and couldn’t really be bothered writing an actual blog entry, so Enjoy!

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New Things Happening!!

September 30, 2010

For some months now people have been asking for a new podcast, and for many months we ignored you, until now! Coming very soon to an itunes near you, will be a brand new episode of Left Wing Love Child.

Not only chock a bock with hilarity and witty quips, but also now over an hour in length. So strap in, sit down, relax, lock the kids in the garage and listen to the finest in podcasting

Here’s what some people had to say about the newest season of Left Wing Love Child

“Whose Left Wing Love Child?” – The New York Times

“They are about as funny as AIDS” – The Sunday telegraph

“Good thing this is free, since I would never pay to hear this” – Hamish and Andy

I personally thought that remark in The Sunday Telegraph was in poor taste, but they will post anything in there it seems.

So be sure to check iTunes regularly over the next few days in great anticipation for the new episodes.

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A Day Fit For a Champion

September 25, 2010

Today was one of the worst days I have experienced in recent memory. For you see, I have been stuck in some sort of infinite procrastination loop. My mid semester break is nearing its end, and hat have I got to show for it? Was I productive? Well I did watch an unhealthy amount of Mythbusters while simultaneously looking up serial killers on Wikipedia and trying to solve the case. So yes I was productive in that sense. However I also had tree assessments to finish and I am only now starting the finish the first.

To give you an idea of what I DID do today I will provide you with an outline

•    Woke up, made extravagant fruit salad breakfast which took almost an hour of preparation
•    Showered, brushed my teeth and FLOSSED (I never Foss. because really who has the time?)
•    Took my dog for a walk (it should be noted I HATE my dog, and so for me to voluntarily do this seemed like a big deal)
•    Cleaned my desk
•    Dusted my shelves
•    Sat out in the lovely sunshine (again I NEVER do this, since when do use words like lovely?)
•    Alphabetized my books, Vinyl, DVDs and CDs
•    Did some ironing
•    Solved a crime or two
•    Then started my first essay.

Even now I am writing a blog entry when in reality I should be finishing work. Two things have gotten me through his day though!!

Those being

  • Espresso

  • New Deerhunter album – Halcyon Digest

It perfectly matched my mood of sleepy, warm, anxious and heroic all at the same time.

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Gaga, A Baby’s First Words? Or the Sound of a Pop Culture Phenomenon?

September 14, 2010

The MTV video music awards have rolled around for another year. It is hard to believe that it was actually an entire year ago that kanye created the most boring controversy ever by interrupting Taylor swift, you might even say he pulled a “swift” move on her-BAM-a year later and its still like a joke piñata.

That hilarity aside this years VMA’s may as well have been renamed “What stupid/crazy shit is Lady Gaga going to wear next?” although she won something ridiculous like eight awards, her outfits clearly took center stage over mediocre dance pop.

Among other things on this particular night, one “dress” she wore was not too out there by any means. So what did she do? She put a raw steak on her head. I know what you are thinking “delicious” well you are WRONG. It’s not delicious; I would even hardly call it fashion, more a meal. What are people in third world countries meant to think? While they are starving barely getting one meal a day in American they are taking once edible food and putting it on their head and deeming it culture
.
You see Gaga doesn’t realize that she is digging herself into a controversy hole. Once she has worn a steak on her head, what more can she really do to shock the population who are caught in uproar over uncooked meat? Perhaps some kind of aborted fetus dress? Or a paper Mache dress made entirely out of broken treaties to the Native American’s?

I am also quite certain that her designers are the laziest people ever. They are not sewing late into the night or into the wee hours of the morning, oh no. This is how they prepare for a lady Gaga dress.

(1)    Go to butcher
(2)    Ask for half a kilo of fillet mignon
(3)    Cook up one steak for yourself
(4)    Stick other on Lady Gaga’s head
(5)    Call it fashion
(6)     Get paid

Lady Gaga is an artist who is deemed “edgy” and always pushing boundaries. Although a closer inspection of her actual music and there seems very little to be offended by. Take her first major hit “just Dance” for example. It is simply an electro-pop song about having fun, throwing caution to the wind and dancing. Who is going “HOW DARE YOU!!, you can’t make me dance. You are destroying my beliefs and all my morals with you sacrilegious pop music” no one that’s who.

Or take her perhaps biggest hit “Bad Romance” I personally think this song and subject matter are WAY too out there in the ether to be relatable to the modern day you and I. I mean who in this modern day and age were all marriages are predetermined by our parents to coincide with beneficial business deals, so who knows the feelings of a Romance going wrong and turned sour?

Her old flat mates (who clearly wanted to cash in on her success) have apparently spoken out. Saying that she was not always weird, and hold back your rage. But they said she was not always “Warhol-esque” WHAT!? Do they know who are what Warhol is and or did? Andy Warhol was one of the pioneering Pop artists emerging in the 1950s influenced by the post WW2 American economy boom.

Inspired by commercialism he incorporated a theme of mass production and consumerism into many of artworks, such as the Campbell soup cans or nine Elvis’. Does this remind you of lady Gaga? No? I thought not. S this just proves that Lady Gaga is an idiot who is associated (once) with people who know nothing of art, except for a few choice “buzz” names and words that they drop into conversation without any actual knowledge of what it means.

Oh yeah and the Black Keys won an award too, so check them out since they are both talented and deserve to win an award. An odd combination for the VMA’s.