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Letters To…Again?!…Again!!

September 8, 2010

Oh yes, that’s right we are going old school, in fact we are going pre-school. That’s how old this bit is. I’m just polishing up an old idea and trying to make it appear new and fresh, just like the X-factor, any Today Tonight “exclusive” story on which milk is better for you or the new Stephan Hawking book called “An even more brief history of time”, I’m pretty sure its only 2 pages long and go’s something like this

•    First there was small bugs in some water
•    Monkeys
•    Monkey/People transformers
•    Dinosaurs
•    Meteor that killed dinosaurs, but did not kill us
•    Fire
•    Ye olde English accents
•    Top hats
•    World War 2
•    Rick Astley
•    IPods
•    Coke Zero
And you can fill in the gaps of history.

Small history lesson aside, I will now present to you for your entertainment a brand new set of letters to…

Dear Kesha,

do you make awful music because you’re upset that your name is Kesha? I would be pretty mad too

Dear cracker crumb stuck under my keyboard.

Why don’t you go away? I would eat you if I could. Thanks to you I can’t type the letter Q..I wait there you go it finally broke up…never mind. Although you made it hard writing that report on Qualitative Quantity Questionnaires.

Dear Man on the train who was having an awfully sexual conversation on his phone.

I wanted so bady to be the person to yell out “get a room” but i have too much class for that, plus you are a good 200Kg heavier than me and would probably crush my weak vegetarian frame like an obese man crushing his couch clean in half as he sits on it.

Dear “Today Tonight”.

Tell me if I’m right, people are constantly trying to steal my identity at any given opportunity, migrants should not be allowed any job AT ALL, the quality of milk and meat from supermarkets is a constant source of concern and top priority news and getting your foot in the door is the best tactic for an interview fuck calling ahead.

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