Archive for July, 2010

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Vegetarianism, fill your stomach not with meat but with a false sense of accomplishment!

July 21, 2010

The rumour mill has been running rampant lately with tales as irrelevant as the mining industry is to the overall well being of the Australia economy. What could be so meaningless you may ask? Yet still cause mass hysteria? Haha no not tony Abbot in a pair of Speedos but me recently becoming a vegetarian. That’s right I’m now a vegetarian, no longer will I partake in the savage and primitive practice and gaining my sustenance through eating another living being (science be damned that states humans are meant to consume meat) so hear me…well not roar since I only have a limited amount of protein to work with here and I can’t waste it with pointless roaring. So hear me blog furiously, well not furiously but maybe just hyped up on caffeine.

Many people have questioned me why I became a vegetarian. Honestly there is no defining reason but more a multitude of tiny reasons. For starters I was never I giant meat eater. I found zero satisfaction in knowing meat from bones of chicken legs or slicing through animal ribs to eat the meat. When asked why I would not eat from the bone people would always say, “why didn’t you finish your chicken leg?” yet I could always tell they were thinking “GAY”. No I’m not gay, a lot of people seem to think I’m gay (including gay gentlemen) I just felt it was as if I was looking back 200 years watching cave men and women chewing meat from bone, while talking about the latest episode of Glee.

There is a surprisingly wide array of strands of different vegetarianism which I will now outline in what I call “Alex Harris’ guide to eating less but filling your stomach with a falsely earned sense of self accomplishment”

* Ovo-lacto vegetarianism – This includes animal products such as eggs, milk, and honey. These people are not entirely insane and usually tend to live normal lives without believing they can talk to animals.
* Lacto vegetarianism – this includes milk but not eggs. Kind of weird but whatever
* Ovo vegetarianism – this includes eggs but not milk. These people need to learn where milk comes from, since they will eat potential baby chicken eggs but not cow milk?
* Veganism – this excludes all animal flesh and animal products, including milk, honey, and eggs. These are the kind of people who must be constantly hungry and have to meticulously plan their meals leading them to have zero social skills or life (sorry vegans reading this)
* Raw veganism includes only fresh and uncooked fruit, nuts, seeds, and vegetables. These people are either dead or dying, so start planning your funeral
* Fruitarianism – this permits only fruit, nuts, seeds, and other plant matter that can be gathered without harming the plant. These people are also dead or dying.
* Macrobiotic diets – these consist mostly of whole grains and beans. These people are actually secretly horses in disguise as humans, so if you see one, be careful!

As or me I’m an unusual strain of vegetarian who consumes mostly black coffee, two minute noodles and sushi, it’s a good diet.

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Mac Attack!!

July 17, 2010

I had the fullest of intentions this past week of writing a blog entry at least every three days if not more purely to for you, that’s right YOU. Unfortunately my Mac did not receive this memo and decided to have a small heart attack, no biggie. All this meant was that my battery would not last more than five minutes away from the charger and my mouse was stuck eternally down clicking on everything in sight, this made for quite the embarrassing facebook incident when I would like things I did not like even remotely (I think for one moment I even “liked’ Tony Abott sending my indie cred plummeting (luckily I retorted with a reference to a song by The XX and all was right with the world)

To solve this problem I went to my local computer givers of life and pleaded for their help (because I simply cant go back to a PC. its too weird) they were only mildly condescending with their use of jargon like “screen” and “battery” whatever they are. In the end they said I would simply need to replace the battery which apple should cover, since a laptop battery, which is not even two years old, should not explode in such a manner. The only thing was I had to be angry and mean about it over the phone.

So I watched a number of 24 episodes to study the voice and prowess of Jack Bower and his interrogation skills (he never negotiates with terrorists and neither do I!!) I called them up and long story short I’m now paying $200 for a new battery, mission accomplished.

So due to this I’m writing this on my…PC. I do not like it one bit, two mouse buttons to use? Why would I never need to click on two things at once? And a start menu? Whenever I click it nothing starts except for my contempt for PC.

So you can expect my usual Mac savvy witty remarks to be back to sua by ten to twelve working days.

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Stick A Fork In Me, I’m Done

July 11, 2010

Do not fear panicked masses (or the two of you still reading this) I do not mean I’m done with bringing you insightful, witty and often unnecessary blog entries about things which really did not need to be written about (like my dreams and aspirations…what was I thinking?) what I was trying to convey via this title is that I am finished with my university exams for this semester, meaning I now have more free time than is healthy for anyone to have, how much free time you say? Well can anyone else recite to you the entire script of the episode of the Simpsons where Bart burns down the Christmas tree and blames it on a fake burglar causing for the entire towns sympathy and donations until they are found out to be merely a fraud? Well I can because FOX8 plays it ALL THE TIME.

So expect lots of words to be coming from here over the next few weeks, maybe some of them will make you smile or others will have you shaking your head in disgust and think “can he write that on the internet? Surely some kind of government should be censoring him” well they can’t censor me! Just like they couldn’t censor Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake, god bless their inappropriate souls.

Also expect big things in the podcast very soon…maybe, I will have to tell john about this but it is coming in one shape or another, possibly an octagon. We have take a very lengthy break from podcasting because we both thought we did such an awesome job in that ten month period that we could simply retire and coast for the rest of our lives on the millions we had made from it. Then we remembered we did not make any money from it and so we have to fucking work AGAIN.

So in summary check back here every couple days, as I will be on a writing spree! Just to let you know what I’m up to (since I am somewhat a celebrity and you like to know what to think and like) here are some things I have been reading and watching lately
•    Reading: The Macquarie Dictionary – I give this book an eight out ten. Brilliant fonts, a wide range of vocabulary present and a lot of content for your money. I found it to be a real page-turner. And don’t worry I wont give away who the killer is, you will have to read and find out for yourself
•    Watching: The TV guide channel – brilliant soundtrack, full of eighties disco and lounge jazz, to this new Australian drama show. set in the seedy under world of austar and foxtel. All I can say is watch out logie awards for this show will take out every category next year and I cannot wait for the DVD release
•    Listening: Various windows and Mac computer start up sounds throughout the ages – I do not now why I bought this, it is just start up sounds. Nothing funny about it, zero out of ten