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My New Phone Company “Yodafone” (George Lucas Please Don’t Sue Me)

May 12, 2010

I have a bone to pick, don’t worry vegetarians it a metaphorical bone, but a bone nonetheless. Like the best and richest of you, I own and flaunt a cellular phone, I know what you are thinking “how the devil can you afford that and be so handsome?” well the money I’m making from these blog-ity-ogs is nothing less than obscene. For example once upon a time I would walk into any old newsagent or Coles store march right up to the check out clerk and buy credit in TWENTY DOLLAR AMOUNTS!! “But Alex!” you are thinking, “that can cost upwards of twenty dollars!” oh I’m well aware of the cost, but back then I didn’t care. I was living in a world where I would make phone calls on a daily basis and send text messages without care for how much credit I had left, for I was king and Vodafone was my farmer working hard to bring me any goods I wished.

Those were the days, for you see I have fallen victim to “Mobile phone douche baggery”. You see this kind of thing on “Today Tonight” or “A Current Affair” and it’s easy to think “oh those poor, well educated, literate, well spoken and dressed people, but that could never happen to me, I’m too rich and white” well I was wrong, dead wrong. For just last Friday I was composing a text message, I used all the appropriately time saving and cool abbreviations, went to hit send before what should happen? Vodafone bitch slaps my phone; metaphorically once more don’t worry hordes of lawyers preparing to sue. So now I cannot receive nor send messages or make calls, I can however receive calls and play snake. So it has turned into a very expensive walkie-talkie.

Due to this violation of all that is good and true I sent this open letter to Vodafone

Dear Vodafone

Fuck you! I’m a very busy and important business man for all you know trying to make important business decisions via text message when you take a dump on my phone, and I was on a train at the time which made that situation all the more embarrassing. You are just like Hitler minus the gimmicky moustache.

Yours Sincerely, Deeply Disappointed

In light of this I have decided to start my own phone company called “Yodafone”.

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