Solving World Poverty By 2090

March 24, 2010

It was a dark and stormy night; the air was filled with trite and hackneyed narration like “dark and stormy” which only lazy authors use or postmodern authors who are being ironic by using such an overused description. I was sitting in my room pretending to be writing my presentation, which was due the next morning when my mother asked me if I could go and pick my sister up from her Christian youth group. My ears instantly bled from these words being uttered, but I though. I was thought the words “Alex” and “Christian” being spoken in the same sentence would cause the universe to implode due to the sheer oxymoronic nature of it, since it did not I shrugged it of and went on my merry way.

Upon my arrival I almost had quite the embarrassing Freudian slip. When the organizer came towards me, arms outstretched in anticipation for a man on man embrace (even though the bible tells him he shouldn’t hug men only hand shake and not even that for longer than five seconds or it could cause gay) nonetheless we share a hug before he asked me who I was picking up. I said, “Oh I’m here to pick up my sister from your club of lies and false hope…oops I meant Christianity”. Luckily due to my suave nature and some distracting dance moves he didn’t notice this lapse in my normally casual and not offensive demeanor.

After shaking of feelings of surprise from not bursting into flames upon impact from this overly touchy grown Christian man or if there is a God perhaps he should have sizzled from contact with such a blasphemous person, score one Alex – nil religion (that’s right I’m keeping count). I gazed at the walls and this is when I noticed a poster, but not just any poster. One of the most blind and misguiding posters I’ve ever seen. It read like this:

Christianity: Curing world Poverty by 2020

Really? Aiming a little high there aren’t we tiny church in Wentworth Falls? How exactly are we going to solve the world of any poverty? I think the average Christian might say “I’ma gonna pray so hard, just put these two hands together as hard as I can, the balls in your court now God and Jesus. I’m praying for a subway, a McDonalds and a KFC in every town in every country. That’ll solve the problem” unless bibles are also edible than I don’t think Christianity will be helping anyone soon.

In reaction to this I have decided to set a reasonable goal for us here at Left Wing Love Child to throw our hat into the ring of solving world poverty. I believe that John and I can solve this by the year 2090. They way I have this figured out one of two things will happen, either:
(a)    Someone else does it for us and we assassinate them and take all the credit
(b)    Or, the year 2090 I pretty far away and in all honesty we will probably be dead, and there is nothing more heroic than dying before your cause has realized its goals. Just ask Bono former lead singer of U2…he’s


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