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The Results Are In

March 16, 2010

Recently some of you took part in an IQ test, and I have the results! I’m sorry it took so long but I had to hire a statistician to help me calculate the great enormity of numbers, means, mode and other math type gibberish. The news is good, none of you are as moronic as Canada, most of you scored exceptionally well with the odd exception scoring slightly lower. Don’t worry I will guide you through the test results much the same as Bert Newton skillfully guides my funny bone to hilarity on twenty to one (who knew counting backwards could be so fun? Its entertainment and educational, its entercationl) or the way Moses skillfully led the Israelites away from Egypt and to freedom, sure this freedom was the desert where they wandered around for 40 years but still…beats slavery.

Those of you who answered the question with “Parade Of Fireworks” congratulations, you are at a Mensa level of intellect. Which sounds good until I found out that Mensa translates into table in Latin, plus they advertise this fact by having a table in their logo. A table is the best they could come up with? A table is a mere carpenters job. That is why I will be making a new intellectual (elitist) society called “Praestans” this would simply translates to superior in Latin.

The one person who answered “Fireworks” also do not fear, for you could have done worse. While this is a good choice, fireworks are fun, bright, shiny and loud there is not enough danger involved, sure someone might blow their hand of or a wild fire may spread but these are all simple possibilities. With a fireworks parade there is almost a guarantee something will go wrong, when considered that these parade floats will have to travel at speeds exceeding 80 Km/h while having fireworks explode at them. Sore the insurance may be pricey but I’m positive people will pay to see cars parade floats blown up, because if this study has shown anything it is that no one likes parades.

Thankfully not one single reader answered that they would like to go to a parade instead of one of the other two fantastically spectacular and often life threatening choices. If you had answered this then you clearly make terrible decisions in life and you would have most likely clicked that option on the poll from the homeless shelter where you live (a very fancy homeless shelter with wireless internet, hobos have to check their facebook too!). Parades are the bane of society and the sooner people realize this the sooner we can evolve as a culture and develop hover cars and anti gravity boots.

So in summary well done everyone, I’m proud of you

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