Archive for January, 2010

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Wackness On The Interwebs

January 30, 2010

I’m sure if you spend more than thirty seconds on the internet you will have come across some form of pop up advertisement or banner ad, sometimes I can even just merely glance at my Mozilla icon and a pop-up ad will appear (although this could be a virus and not a marketing scheme…or a viral marketing scheme!! Those sneaky bastards) Either way advertising on the internet is everywhere, and these aren’t ads for big name commercial brands like “LG life’s not so good when we plague your web browser with hundreds of pop ups and banner ads huh?” or “Norton, hand over your wallet and free will and we will get rid of SOME of these ads and virus problems you are having, but rather these are always commercials for things you have never seen before and probably never will se ever again. This could be because they aren’t legally allowed to advertise this on television I don’t know I’m not a lawyer.

So here are some of the more obscure or just ridiculous ones I have come across on my travels.


This is a banner ad for a gambling website, for a pokies/slots style of game. They chose the very popular theme of…deserts. Also does that man in the middle look like he is winking and trying to crack onto the viewer? Or was that just wishful thinking on my part?

This isn’t an ad more as a competition on a website. Now I’m no expert, oh who am I kidding yes I am! But shouldn’t this want you to enter? However I do not want to win a clothing package to look like this douche bag at all.

This is an Ad for a get rich quick scheme, or is it? upon further reading of the first line you notice that they are only giving away five hundred dollars a month! you could earn more working as an illegal mexican immigrant in America. This considered i do  like this ad, because they level with us. They clearly state “you wont get rich” which is very true.

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The New and Improved Me

January 25, 2010

As previously stated in another blog somewhere down the page I’m “blessed” with four sisters, sisters who are convinced that you can change a persons habits ad personality even if they don’t want to change and the best way to achieve this change is through constant nagging. This aside I was often left pondering the positives of having such a female dominant influence on my adolescent life, as I grew up certain that the best show on television was “The O.C” and I always had a way to informed opinion on the current season of “America’s next top model”. However after much thought, some nachos and coffee (to help fuel more thought…obviously) I think I have finally figured out a way to make this situation work for me.

When I considered for the first time that each one of my sisters has a different group of friends. So in theory I could make four different first impressions of four different entirely different personalities. This way I can use each group of people as a test group. To see what kind of Alex works best, because this current model of Alex I’m working with hasn’t gotten me anywhere, seriously at this point in my life I should at least own a tropical island (a small one even I’m not picky) or have super powers and live in the mansion. I’m not greedy; I just know what I want.

These are the four different potential versions of “Me” I will be giving a test run. If you can think of any others feel free to leave a comment.

•    For my youngest sister’s group of friends I think I will pretend that I have super powers. This should be fairly easy considering that they are eight years old and so also believe that at Easter time a giant rabbit sneaks into our house and leaves chocolate eggs for them to find, so me having super human strength or cat like agility might not seem like a huge stretch for them to believe. I think the best way to achieve this is to one afternoon pretend that I see the “Alex” sign in the sky, dramatically dash into the nearest closet and burst out donning a super bad ass costume declaring “evil doo-ers beware!!”

•    For my second youngest sister’s group of friends, I will make them believe I’m the smartest person who ever lived! Again this shouldn’t be too hard because this sister rolls with a group of overly Christian friends, So they all believe that fossils were put in the ground by the devil to fool us into believing in “science”, “logic” and “reason”. They are also in year seven in high school so they don’t know basic algebra, so my plan is to bust out some Pythagoras’ Theorem and blow their minds.

•    For my third sister’s group of friends I will have to make them believe I’m that really sporty and “Bro” kind of guy. This may take some effort, so we will see if it ever happens, but if it does. I will wear on my head at all times either an upside down visor hat (like all Bros wear) or a Nike headband. As for other clothes I will only wear singlets, which are a little too tight to accentuate the small amount of muscle I have, training pants and sprinters shoes (even if I’m just sitting around reading a book). I will also at all times need to be drinking vitamin water, because of all that sport I do I need to stay properly hydrated.

•    Finally for my eldest sisters group of friends. The last cliché I could think of was being the “indie/arty” guy. This isn’t too far a stretch so I will just need o accentuate certain things already present. My hair must always be disheveled, preferably unwashed and maybe even a leaf or two in it. I will claim that mp3s, CDs and vinyl are all too commercial so instead I will only listen to tapes on my old walkman, claiming it is the only elite and true form of music left, I may be seen listening to a CD once BUT ONLY IRONICALLY.

Any feedback would be appreciated as to what path I should take, think of it as a “choose you own adventure type of thing.  So leave  comment or two.

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An Apology Of Sorts (but not really)

January 22, 2010

As some of you may have noticed lately there has been a noticeable absence in new bloggage. Tumbleweeds may have been spotted meandering their way across they new post page. Your minds must have been racing as to the cause of our whereabouts “did the FBI finally catch on and discover Alex’s telemarketing scheme?” or “has John gone to Haiti to display his Jesus like super powers and create food for thousands out of one loaf of bread and some shoe laces” (that’s how I heard the story went). Well the truth is neither of these are true, in fact we actually just have lives outside of the internet, strange I know. I have been on holiday for the past week and to quote an instrumental band I have spent the last six days at the bottom of the ocean. To be honest I probably should have brought a towel but whatevs. So from this week on ward blogs should go back to a normal weekly update.

Love Alex and John  XOXO

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My Resolution Is To Be More Awesome

January 6, 2010

As the sand travels through the hourglass so does the pages of a calendar (quick side note here. How super shit is a calendar for a Christmas present? I’m a young adult I think I know what day comes after Tuesday…oh its Wednesday, of course) which brings us to a new year and a new decade. 2010. Yes we survived the horrendous decade known as the “Naughties” (TeeHee like as in Naughty because we are all so bad at heart) I feel as though this decade should just be known as “Puberty” because the 21st century is experiencing it’s adolescent phase. Who knows what will happen? Maybe it will experiment with drugs? Struggle with acne problems? Maybe even have a romance? Develop an eating disorder? Or better yet run away from home.

Whenever I wrote the date for the first day, 01/01/10, which happened a lot (all that damn paper work on new years eve and day) I felt as though I was writing secret messages in binary, not so different from the way a super sexy, foreign Spy does. So for a short period of time not only did I look like James Bond but I also acted like him.

Something everyone does even if not out loud but in a mental note kind of a way is to make new years resolutions. These are always really deep things to further these people on an intellectual and emotional level such as “this year I’m going to join a gym” or “this year I’m going to find a boyfriend” or “this year I will finish that book I started last year” this year. I feel as though I know myself well enough to know that I will never actually keep a promise made to myself, its not like I will chastise myself for breaking a promise to myself. So rather than trying to change me I will simply accentuate the positive aspects of me in the hope they will out shine the not so great ones.

Such as, considering my vision is somewhat lacking (blind without glasses/contacts and still a little blind with them) I will just use my other senses to heightened levels, for example I will yell everything and describe in great detail any sensation I have, people will say “honey, did you hear that man over there describe in great volume and very minute detail the temperature today? He must have incredible senses. All FIVE of them” another shortcoming of mine is I’m what some might call “lazy” while I call this “well rested”. To make it appear that I’m better then others and doing better things than others, if someone asks me “Alex! What have you done all day apart from drink coffee and sit on that couch?” and I will reply with “I’ll tell you what I DIDN’T do today, set fire to an orphanage and punch some nuns in the face. So your welcome” and in comparison it will seem as though I had quite a proactive and positive day rather than a lazy and lonely one.