Rebel Sport, A Stain Upon Society

November 23, 2009

There are some places I fear to tread, such as the hip hop section in JB Hi-Fi in case I get shot, the engineering lecture rooms at uni (Engineering students are notoriously RIPPED whereas I’m a measly arts student, with twigs for arms who enjoys discussing the artworks of Jackson Pollock and the delightful indie pop of Belle and Sebastian) or Channel nine (seriously do they have ANY good shows?). I now have a new place to add to this fast growing list, that of course being Rebel Sport.

I dubiously wandered into this monstrosity of a store last Sunday, merely to purchase a pair of swimming goggles (hey swimsuit season is coming up, I need to get in shape). What I was presented with was not a store that sells sporting goods but rather the gaping mouth of hell, with the last remnants of hope and civility poised over the edge ready to be swallowed whole at any given moment. This frightened me (as it would) for usually I attempt to avoid anything that may involve any form of physical exertion (if there was a less tiring way to eat I want to know about it) however here is a store that caters to those who actually enjoy running around and lifting heavy things.

The first thing I found most terrifying was the clothes they had on sale. I was not aware that Nike and Adidas had a line of clothing that catered directly to douche bags and ass holes, however it became increasingly clear that this particular clientele is all that they cater to. They had it all, bum bags which seem like the most pointless accessory, how much could you honestly fit in there? A tooth pick? They had Canterbury polo shirts and track pants, I personally feel sorry for the brand Canterbury because the only people in society who are tasteless enough to buy them are “Lads” however they also never buy anything and primarily steal, so the company must just be a giant financial black hole. With these two items being displayed on every manikin I was in a constant state of fear that these manikin’s would shank me or try and take my lunch money.

Another great tragedy of this store is the undeniable and overwhelming sense of constant delusion that I couldn’t help but feel as I walked through. There is a huge number of people all with way too much money, who have deluded themselves into thinking that if they buy the magic running shoes (you know the ones, they’re white and have lights in them when you walk aaaawww yeah) or the sports bags with a compartment for everything, including cheeseburgers. That they will “get in shape and look like a celebrity, I bet this is where Angelina Jolie shops”. Some of these people may in fact get in shape and healthy, then there are the “other” people. Who you can’t help but look at and think, “oh I’m so sorry but there is nothing here that can help you. There is a KFC a short roll down the street though”

Finally I find the name of the store itself to be somewhat of a lie. While they call themselves “Rebel Sport” I fail to see anything they sell within their store to be slightly rebellious in the least. Such as Rugby, this is one of the most popular Australian sports and could hardly be considered rebellious. If they want to impress me they will need to start making up some truly rebellious sports that go against the norms. Like “Vertical Scrabble: the thinking man’s rock climbing” or “Underwater Calligraphy”, expect these and more at the London Olympics.


One comment

  1. A SUCCESS born not by chance or luck, a true SUCCESS TARGET because cultivated through a clear, mature PLANNING, FAITH, WORK HARD, perseverance and good intentions and sincere.

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