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Letters To…(again)

October 24, 2009

Here are some more letters to people and objects.

•    Dear Sarah Palin. How did you manage to write your book “going rogue” when I doubt you have ever even read a book? Was the first write of it simply a picture book?

•    Dear homeless people, your weird. Why don’t you stop harassing me for change and go home and shave, oh wait…..sorry, keep it up.

•    Dear alcohol advertising, could you somehow appeal more to male fantasies?

•    Dear bumper cars, you were an awful instructor for my license test. Why can I ram you into other bumper cars without getting arrested but when doing it with a bigger, safer and better-built car I get arrested?

•    Dear weekend, were do you hide during the week? And why is there never any good television on Saturdays and Sundays? Is it because you think people have lives and are going out? WELL THINK AGAIN!

•    Dear beards, you rock. How come women hate you so much? If its because they are afraid that their boyfriends will run away to Hawaii with their beards leaving them behind, then they are correct.

•    Dear hammock that I’m lying in. you are like a lazy person net and you caught me!

•    Dear Facebook people suggestions. I think you should rename yourself “people I was trying to avoid”.

•    Dear Lynx deoderant. Why do you bother having many different varieties of scents with exotic names (like fever, who wants to smell like they’ve been sick?), when they all smell the same?

•    Dear alarm clock. I’m sure it isn’t mentally healthy to wake up every morning of my life to an ALARM!. What is there to be alarmed about? Every time you go of I crap my pants because I fear the house alarm is going of and we are being robbed, then I find it is just you letting me know the day has begun.

•    Dear squeaky chair in the lecture hall. Why is it that every week I seem to sit on you? Is it because yu are the closest to the door and I want to escape so badly…probably. You make it ever so hard to move even the smallest amount without alerting the entire room that I’m moving or have fallen asleep.

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