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The Rules of Cool

October 16, 2009

Judging by the huge amounts of views we got from John’s Pokémon blog, I can safely assume that our average reader’s age is about 8-12. Based on this fact I will now give you all a guide on how to survive high school. I won’t lie to you, high school is a dangerous place. People have died there, and some people never leave (they’re called teachers, pathetic people who make themselves feel better by acting superior to children), however there is a way to beat the vicious cycle of high school.

Tip number one: drink as much as you can. Adults probably tell you “drinking’s bad” and “”an eight year old doesn’t need a case of beer”. They are wrong. Drinking is cool, just ask Ozzy Osbourne although you might not be able to understand his response. The first kid to get their stomach pumped will forever be immortalized and forever remembered by the rest of their year. Never forget this.

Tip number two: sports are the most important thing EVER. If I learnt one thing from my physical education classes it is that all important business decisions in the real world will be determined by games of king ball or rugby. There are plenty of jobs for people who bombed out in the HSC but were the captain of their high school rugby union team, right?

Tip number three: be a douche to everyone. This might sound mean but it’s not. All the most awesome and popular kids in high school also happened to be the biggest assholes. If there were a line graph displaying the correspondence between douchebaggery and popularity, it would blow your mind.

Tip number four: get a mohawk or rat’s tail. Actually, get a mohawk with a rat’s tail. That is the kind of hair cut which tells people you have style and you don’t take shit from anyone. This haircut also tells people you are 70% more likely to never have a desk job, or even be able to spell the word desk.

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5 comments

  1. love this one. So true… 😛


  2. Hacking on teachers???? …… that is so slack.


  3. lol sorry, but i think teachers do a great job of educating. i really have nothing against them, that was just the only joke i could think of putting in there, Sorry!


  4. Why is hacking on teachers slack, as opposed to all of the rest of the hacking we do?

    If we couldn’t hack on anyone this would be the most bland blog in the world.

    “Everything’s great! Guy Sebastian, what a singer.”


  5. I dunno guys, I mean a blog where you do nothing but sing the praises of others probably has a huge untapped market.



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