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A Guide To Getting A Girlfriend

September 28, 2009

Now as I’m single perhaps I wouldn’t be the best person to take advice from … no, I am. I feel perhaps I’m chronically single because woman like men who have an element of danger or edginess about them, how else can you explain people who like the guys who used to be in Jackass, they’re just like monkeys with huge bank accounts. So below is my foolproof guide, use it wisely.

•    Danger: this can be accomplished in many ways. Maybe sometimes I won’t tie up my shoelaces and just walk around with them untied. Ladies will come up to me and say “Oh my god! Your shoelaces are untied!”, then I will just say “I know, I might trip over or fall down some stairs, so what! I’m reckless like that.”

•    I add danger to play hard-to-get. If I cover myself with glass, then I can say, “No, don’t come near me, I’m too dangerous. You will only get hurt … really, I’m covered in glass” trusty old hard-to-get, she might then think I seem dangerous and unattainable which will only make her more interested, or she might think I’m homeless considering I’m covered in glass.

•    A great way to add some edge to my image: I will just carry around a motorcycle helmet. Then when a girl asks about it I will say “Yeah I ride my beast (that will be the name for my bike) pretty fast, but I don’t get scared. I would offer you a ride but it’s in the shop.” What shop you might ask? I have no clue but the point is she will think I’m dangerous and I have a ride rather than “Hey do you need a lift? I can pay for your train or bus ticket.”

So all in all the best way to impress people is with my method of deception and lying, never forget that.

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