Deception on the Interwebs

September 28, 2009

I’m sure most of you are familiar with the idea of Google. You type something in, Google looks around for stuff that’s most likely to be relevant to your queries, and finally comes up with a list of sites you may be interested in. Easy.

Most of the time this process works quite well. Answers are generally only a few keystrokes away. However, sometimes Google gets in amazingly wrong and directs you to pretty much the exact opposite of what you were looking for. All you have to do to see this phenomenon in action is take a quick look at the search terms people use to find this blog.

  • “how to help my dad in a mid life crisis”

Alex and I, let’s be frank, are pretty damn clever. We’re well equipped to deal with most personal problems or queries you dear readers send our way. However, it is important to remember that we have absolutely no qualifications relating at all to analyzing the intricate and deep relationship between father and child. We cannot help you. The best we can hope for at this stage is that no harm was done by viewing our admittedly irresponsible website.

  • “left wing sluts”

This took a while to sink in the first time I saw it. I’m still not entirely sure what this internet purveyor was looking for. Articles about morally repugnant Democrat women? Left wing themed porn? I wasn’t sure. Needless to say I had to do some research. In the name of journalistic integrity I spent hours trawling through porn site after porn site to see if left wing themed porn was indeed a fetish. Alas, it appears not. All that time wasted. Tch. I hope you’re grateful, readers.

On a side note, when “left wing sluts” is typed into Google Left Wing Love Child is the second result, as of this writing. I’m going to go ahead and consider that a badge of honour.

  • “can pokemon ever be real”

We’ve had many ridiculous Pokémon-related searches, but this takes the cake. In reality there are people out there who do actually believe in Pokémon. Until recently they had their own website and everything. Here’s a quote:

‘Your only argument is “Pokemon aren’t real because I can’t see them, I’ve never seen them, and probably never will see them.”

Sorry to say this, but you are only one out of over 16 billion people on this planet, and just because you haven’t experienced something, doesn’t mean that’s how it is. You can’t see love, you can’t see hate, and you can’t see evil or good. You probably will never see them in your entire life, but do they exist? In my experiences as a human being, they do, and they are very real.’

I would refute that, but I really doubt I need to. It pretty much refutes itself.

Needless to say, if someone came to us asking whether Pokémon were real or not, we would laugh them right out of town. We are not what they’re looking for.



  1. Just thought I’d let you know, John, that as of THIS writing, this article is the first result for “left wing sluts”, and your site in general is the second result.

    • Fuck yeah ^^. We were third for a while after I’d written this, but it’s good to see we’re back to top class sluttiness.

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