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The Renaissance Lives On

September 7, 2009

So I was checking the email inbox to see if we had any more adulating fans when, to my surprise, I saw we had received a few about interesting things people had seen in the media. Bravo, listeners/readers. I encourage this sort of behavior. If you see something amusing, feel completely free to tell us about it and thus reduce our already meagre research workload.

Anyways, an email in particular that was ripe for humour was sent in by an Andrew character, and said:

“Assassin’s Creed 2 trailer, when the music started, I was like what?
and checked to see that my music hadn’t been playing.”

He also provided a link to the trailer, which I visited. After about thirty seconds I saw his point.

A bit of background is in order, perhaps. Ubisoft’s Assassin’s Creed II is undoubtedly one of the most anticipated games of 2009. Over eight million copies of the original have been sold, and I suspect the reason for this is that you play a assassin who goes around being generally sneaky and awesome. Ninja-variants sell well. The original was set in the Holy Land in at about 1191 AD, and the sequel in renaissance Italy. In this installment you play a nobleman named Ezio. There are historical figures such as Da Vinci and Machiavelli with whom you can interact, as well as historically accurate settings.

Now, let’s imagine for a minute we’re the publicity team at  Ubisoft, and we’re making a trailer for this game. We’ve already got the footage of Ezio killing shit. Now all we need is the music. Should we go for a classical renaissance piece? Ockeghem, or Guillaume Dufay, perhaps?

Fuck no, that’s music for squares. French house, now that’s where it’s at.

Technically the song works quite well in the trailer, and by all means it is a fantastic song, just as Justice are a fantastic band. And yet, it doesn’t feel quite right. Something about it is just wrong.

It’s like looking at a bodybuilder. Yes, they do have a lot of muscles, which should be very impressive and attractive, but some reason they’re a bit freaky. They’re not meant to exist. All that flesh is out of place. It’s just odd.

Nevertheless, Ubisoft are far from the only offender in this category, and even further from being the worst. I need only point you to the trailer for Koei’s Dynasty Warriors 6, which is set in China at around 200AD. On an advisory note, I strongly suggest that you do not watch all of this trailer. Please. I care about you. It’s like looking directly at the sun, except that you get brain damage instead of blindness.

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