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My Dog Has an Ego Problem

September 6, 2009

I’m the lucky owner of a Cavoodle. I know what some are thinking “that sounds like a girly miniature dog” well it is. On the outside he looks what might be described as cute, fluffy or even adorable. However on the inside lurks the intolerant, grumpy and neutered mind of an eighty-year-old man.

If a dog is meant to man’s best friend, then I think I should pick my friends a little better. He is mean to all guests in our house, if I leave a sandwich on the couch for one second then go into the kitchen to get a drink he will jump up there and eat my lunch and not leave me any! he sometimes does smelly dog farts then looks at me as if saying “yeah I did it, enjoy” and I once caught him humping my pillow which from that point on officially became his pillow. If this were any other friend I would say “look man I know we’re best friends but stop pooping on my floor” but he is just a dog and cant speak … yet.

Some theories as to why he is such a constant ass hole of a dog: There is an old and racist man who is trapped inside the body of my cute looking two year old dog. An evil gypsy dog at the pet store must have cursed him and placed the soul of an intolerant old man inside, I think I should call an exorcist to unleash the demon within him.

Another possibility is that my dog is simply going through his rebellious teenage stage by acting out at everything around him. I half expect one day to find joints and baggies of weed in his dog basket or maybe he will come home from the park with tattoos and a piercing. If this is the case then at least I know soon he will mellow out and then move out, or I will need to send him to rehab.

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