Glasses = Babe Magnet? (probably not)

August 31, 2009

I’m one of the few and the secretly ashamed people in our society who needs the aid of two pieces of glass to help me to see (somewhat) normally. That’s right, I wear glasses and contact lenses (not at the same time, I did try once and it just gave me x-ray vision, whatever). There’s nothing wrong with wearing glasses, it just means God hates you and wants life to be THAT much harder for you.

There are certain connotations that people place upon those elite few in society who get to wear sexy eye wear. No matter how hard you try it is impossible to look tough or threatening in glasses. If you were in a dark alley and a man jumped out of the shadows without glasses and asked you for your wallet you would scream and give it to him, however if this man was wearing round thick rimmed glasses you would laugh in his face, break his glasses in half (rendering him helpless) and skip down the alley way.

No matter how tough a person looked prior to wearing the glasses this is still true, imagine Arnie in his terminator hey days, (not his overweight Politician days), now imagine him wearing nerd glasses, and he doesn’t seem so tough. If there is ever a person who could look tough in glasses I will call the Guinness Book of World Records.

There is also the amazing thing that happens when you put on a pair of aviator sunglasses, it automatically makes you look like you could fly a plane or be in an action movie (maybe an action movie about flying planes?). However if you have aviator style glasses with clear lenses you will just look like a pedophile.


On the bright side, glasses do make you appear intelligent. When the day comes that I finally turn off the television and go for a job interview I will of course wear my glasses, because the interviewer will see my glasses and think, “He must be a genius!” and hire me on the spot. They also make the wearer appear more trustworthy. Numerous times when I have been sporting some eyewear in my local town tourists ask me “Where are the water falls?” This is embarrassing because I have lived here for almost 19 years, I live on falls road and yet I don’t know exactly where the falls are. So I just give them some random directions and chuckle to myself, knowing I have just lost two American tourists.

There is some cruel irony in losing your glasses, because you are looking for the things which help you to see, but you can’t see them properly because without your glasses you are blind. Thus proving that if there is a god then he is an ass with a crap sense of humour.



  1. I think it proves god is an ass with a fucking great sense of humor.
    Then again, I don’t wear glasses.

  2. hahahahaha!
    if a man jumped you you could break his glasses, rendering him helpless! ahhh thats soo true. i can see you’ve been thinking about it alot.. except alex you’d be too fast for that to happen xD
    yea and i love the tourist part 🙂

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