I’m Going To Rule As A Father

August 12, 2009

Many people my age I’m sure would hate the idea of having children now or any time in the future. Not me, because, you see, I will be the best dad ever! (way better than God was to Jesus … C’mon he crucified him)

First there is the perhaps one of the funnnest decisions a parent will ever get to make without the child giving you back chat, and that is what should we name it? Now call me old fashioned but I like the ring that a lot of the older names have, like Muhammad, Judas or even Jesus. Oh, what fun my children would have fighting amongst themselves: “My religion is better”, “Well I have more followers!” and of course Judas “Well Jesus we will see who is laughing when I betray you”

I will also be the best dad because I was once, like many of you, a child and so I know the best ways to discipline children. If my child says “I cant sleep”, I will simply say you can sleep or I will make you watch the movie “the Exorcist” which will ensure that they NEVER SLEEP AGAIN.

I want my children to have whatever they want and the best that they could possibly get. So if I have a daughter and she asks for a pony I will buy her an entire farm that will teach her some responsibility and get her out of the house more often. If my son wants to be a fireman when he grows up. Then I will set fire to his room and see if he has what it takes. Or if my daughter says she wants to be a fairy when she grows up, I will sit down with her and tell her “fairies aren’t real, neither is the Easter bunny or Santa and when you die you just rot in the ground”

In my house there will never ne any fights about who gets the last piece of cake or cookie, Simply because I will get EVERYTHING. Or if my son asks for a turn of the Wii, I will tell him “hey there Jesus, didn’t you teach about waiting your turn, you can have a turn when I get the Wii 2 and this one is outdated”


One comment

  1. I think I will kill your children, just to save them from suffering. Or I could stand idly by.

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